Celebrity Haircuts: The Cause of Unrest in the Middle East?

 America has been around for a while, and everyday our streak of not having a revolution gets longer. Why is this? It’s because of celebrity haircuts. How could we possibly be worried about what’s going on in Washington D.C. when JUSTIN BIEBER IS CUTTING HIS HAIR FOR CHARITY!!!?????

 I mean honestly, I’m sure the president and all those C-SPAN people have things under control so why should I care about them? I have my own issues to worry about like, how to keep my look fresh this spring, and what my costume’s gonna be for Halloween next year. But in the Middle East, they don’t have these liberties. I don’t even think they have celebrity’s! All they have is sand, and sand is BOOOORRRRRRIIIINNNNNNNGGGG! 

 All I’m saying is, if they had pop culture in the Middle East like we do in America, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed (or cared) that their governments were oppressive. There wouldn’t be all these boring revolutions going on, and CNN could get back to covering real issues like, celebrity feuds at the Oscars. It’s just like, we get it, there’s revolutions happening in the Middle East, big whoop. What does that even have to do with me? 

 I’m just sayin, the only protest I’ll be attending this year, is the one against wearing corduroy. 

Written By: Chris Nester